The Undesirable Club Pt. II:
Is becoming still happening on the days you fall short?
🌟🌟🌟
A Sunday column from Shy Rockstar Studio
When did knowing yourself start to hurt more than getting it wrong?
I’ve been sitting with that question all week. Because there’s a particular kind of disappointment that doesn’t come from failure, but from recognition.
Not the loud, dramatic kind, the quiet one that shows up at the end of the week, when you replay moments not because they were catastrophic, but because you knew better and still didn’t do better.
This past week, I didn’t show up the way I wanted to. Not fully. Not cleanly. Not with the softness and steadiness I’ve been practicing.
And instead of rushing to fix it or redeem myself, I chose to stay with the discomfort and listen to what it was trying to tell me.
The In-Between Is Still a Place
I’ve spent my Sundays writing a lot about becoming, about the woman I’m growing into, the choices I’m making with more intention and the life I’m aligning toward instead of chasing.
But what we don’t talk about enough is the space between intention and execution.
The part where you know the tools, but don’t reach for them in time.
The part where life, work, and love all ask something of you at once and you respond imperfectly.
This week, my energy was split.
Work demanded presence I didn’t feel fully resourced for.
Life required emotional agility I didn’t always have.
And love, real, grounding and ongoing love—asked for patience when I was already tired.
None of it was dramatic.
That’s what made it harder to name.
it’s giving, good feet content 🫠
Shortcomings Without Self-Betrayal
I noticed myself shrinking in small ways.
Not disappearing but dimming.
Avoiding conversations I should’ve met with clarity.
Reacting where I wanted to respond.
Letting stress speak louder than discernment.
In rooms where I’ve been learning to stand taller, I slouched a little.
In moments where I’ve been practicing softness, I armored up instead.
This is the version of the undesirable club we don’t glamorize:
not being overlooked by others but momentarily overlooking yourself for.
What Power Looks Like When You’re Tired
I used to think power meant always getting it right.
Now I’m learning that power sometimes looks like noticing when you didn’t.
This week reminded me that becoming isn’t linear, it’s cyclical.
You return to the same lessons with more information, more compassion, and (hopefully) less self-punishment.
I didn’t lose my footing.
I felt the wobble.
And that matters.
Because the woman I’m becoming isn’t perfect, she’s accountable.
She pauses.
She recalibrates.
She chooses repair over performance.
Still Inside The Undesirable Club
What surprised me most was how familiar the feeling was.
That quiet sense of almost.
Of being just slightly misaligned.
Of wondering if I was doing enough, being enough, showing up enough.
It echoed the same internal hum that led me to write The Undesirable Club in the first place, the awareness of how quickly we measure our worth during moments of friction.
But this time, I recognized it.
I didn’t spiral.
I didn’t self-abandon.
I didn’t narrate it as failure.
I named it for what it was:
a shortcoming, not a sentence.
Choosing to Stay With Myself
This is the part that feels new.
I didn’t rush to fix everything.
I didn’t draft an apology tour or a reinvention plan.
I didn’t promise to be better tomorrow just to escape today.
Instead, I stayed.
With the discomfort.
With the awareness.
With the understanding that becoming includes off-weeks, quiet missteps, and moments where grace matters more than growth.
The undesirable club isn’t just about rooms that don’t choose you.
Sometimes it’s about weeks where you don’t choose yourself cleanly and decide to come back anyway.
A Question I’m Sitting With
What would it look like to let shortcomings inform you, not define you?
Vibe Ritual: The Reset Without Erasure
for the vibes
his birthday but my moment for life
Lighting: Low light. Evening. No overheads. An Led light set to dusk.
Scent: Something warm and grounding, vanilla, palo santo, or soft amber.
Soundtrack: Destin Conrad “Bad B!tches”
Drink: a glass of red wine, maybe the bottle, jk
Action: Now that you shook that off by throwing some 🍑 Write down one moment this week you wish you’d handled differently.
Then write one sentence beginning with:
“Next time, I choose…”
No shame. No spectacle. Just clarity.
